it ain’t pretty

I’ve been absurdly obsessed with my weight lately. I didn’t know to which extent until today.

Around noon we decided to go out and catch a movie. We took the nearest metro, and all through the ride I felt “odd” then it ended with the hollowness that usually leads to me passing out. Passing out usually happens in stages for me, I first get tunnel vision and at the same time a slight ringing in my ear, that is then followed by an inability to speak or comprehend what on earth is going on, then flat out black out. It ain’t pretty, thus at the first indication I sat on the floor and asked Rakan to get me some orange juice. I drank it, felt better and convinced Rakan that I’m fine and that we should head out to the gate. I was fine all the way there; it’s about a 5 minute walk from the station. As soon as we queued to get tickets, I started to feel it again and opted to hold Rakan from behind until it passes. Bad idea, the last thing I know I’m on my knees and Rakan is freaking out. He takes me to a chair close by and he goes off to get me chocolate, I take a bite, feel better, but we decided to take a taxi home. As soon as I move I get dizzy again, juice usually does the trick for me and picks me right up, but today nothing is working. By now, Rakan is beyond freaking out and sits me on the floor and asks me one question after another. I do not comprehend what he’s saying to me then I start crying. Frankly, I was freaking out too, my “pass out sessions” never last this long, yet that one didn’t seem to end. Twenty minutes later we are home, and that’s when Rakan gets furious and tells me he won’t let me be on this diet. My reaction: Hysterically crying, I’ve never seen myself cry this way, and telling him, actually begging him to let me go on with it since I desperately want to be thin and eating more will only make me feel fat.

Most of you might think Rakan has gone too far by “telling” me not to continue with that diet, but I highly respect him and knew he must have a point. So, as I lay in the couch I realized my meal(s) for the day was a single banana. I was surviving on less than a 100 calories a day. I eat once a day, an hour after I exercise, a fruit.

Lately nothing is more satisfying than the emptiness of my stomach.

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5 thoughts on “it ain’t pretty

  1. Sometimes tough love is what is needed. I truly understand where he is coming from. It isn’t from a desire to be dominant in the relationship, but rather from how much he fears for you, and how much he cares.

    Mrs. Froggy and I have the same conversation often. I really don’t know what is your obsession with weight for. You have your men by your side no matter what. Yes, avoid turning into a balloon (and this applies to us men too), but you don’t need to compete with sports illustrated models.

    *high fives Rakan*

  2. I am so sorry you had to go through all that Hell. It must have been very terrifying for you. *hugs*

    Don’t you just hate it when you lose it in public? I’m a person with a panic disorder and KNOW what it means to go through a horrifying, nerve-racking experience while surrounded by merely curious watchers. It sucks, big time!

    And I don’t think Rakan is a ” chauvinistic a-hole “, not in this context at least (since all Saudis are basically, at one point). But I think he’s just worried on you and thinks your health and well being matters the most.

    P.S: (1) I was surfing the web when I suddenly had an epiphany and decided to check your blog. I was surprised to see you back in action since it’s been a relatively long time since you last posted something. So if I may suggest (since I’m your biggest fan hehe) to please update your Twitter page once you have a new post on your blog. A lot of crappy bloggers do it out there and no one gives a crap about their blog. Hence, the reason why I think you, among all, should do this πŸ™‚

    (2) nice blog layout/template/theme whatever they call it

    (3) Any link week post coming up soon? πŸ˜‰

  3. You’re back Sheroug πŸ™‚

    umm I thought no one is obsessed about her body like me but think im wrong. You know what! gaining weight is not that bad. As long as you’re in a good shape and good health nothing else matters. Don’t be hard on yourself just to be thin. I was 52 and all of sudden I became 62 because of some hormones problems. 10kgs shocked me and I starved myself for two weeks. I ended up in the hospital and my hemoglobin was 6 percent ! Then I joined aerobic classes. Now it’s been a month since I joined aerobic sessions. I’m happy,I eat whatever I want and my body really looks good.To be honest, what we’re doing is just crazy. C’mon we’re not enjoying our life Seroug !
    EAT. EAT. EAT and check these vids. They are really good and will not take much of your time:

  4. I totally didn’t know you started blogging again, and now I feel bad because I absoloutly love your posts and you just keep it to yourself like that?
    HELLO! POST IT ON TWITTER! Oh, OH! That’s right, you come by every now and then to clean the dust around your timeline xP

    On a serious note, I think Rakan is totally right! No woman should go to such extreme measures to lose weight. And even when you do, that diet won’t do you any good because you will either end up putting the weight back on (and pounds more), or falling into an eating disorder. Believe it or not, the cliche wins here: Eat moderately and exercise regularly.Take it from someone whose been on several diets her whole life, not only will you lose the weight, but you will also feel a whole lot better physically and mentally and those scary incidents won’t happen to you, inshallah.

    I hope you feel better, Sheroug!! Take care of yourself.

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